Most people who are in distressed relationships believe that their partners are more to blame. Research indicates that mistaken beliefs about overall blame are no small matter because they fuel contempt—the single most powerful predictor of relationship dissolution.

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By popular demand, Dr. Brent Atkinson is returning to UCI as a master therapist who incisively gets straight to the heart of the matter. He will demonstrate how you can quickly help clients realize that they can’t have it both ways: they can’t hold on to the belief that their partners are more to blame and also expect that their partners will be able to give them heartfelt understanding and caring.

 

You will learn step-by-step methods for powerfully validating each client’s need for their partner to understand and care about the hurts that s/he has caused, while eliminating the detrimental trope of “the bad guy.” Throughout the workshop, Dr. Atkinson will demonstrate how to talk to clients about their ineffective habits in ways that diffuse shame & defensiveness and generate motivation about  learning more effective ways of eliciting respectfulness and caring from their partners.

 

Using extensive video segments of actual sessions with clients, Dr. Atkinson will demonstrate the combination of support and challenge needed to help each partner understand that it’s in their own best interest to explicitly understand and take responsibility for their own contributions to the distress.

 

Key Points:

• Summary of the most essential findings from landmark relationship studies and how they provide a road map for relationship success

• How to talk to each client directly about their self-defeating habits in ways that help them avoid feeling shame or defensiveness

• How to present a compelling case to each partner for a) why their own mindset over time has contributed just as powerfully to the depleted condition of the relationship as has their partner’s, and b) why it is in their own best interest to assume mutual responsibility

 

Learning Objectives:

By the end of this workshop, you will be able to:

• Detail the main abilities that clearly distinguish people who succeed in their relationships vs. those who fail

• Describe 8 obvious relationship offenses and 8 subtle-but-deadly offenses

• Recognize 5 differences in nervous system wiring that often lead to judgment and criticism

• Define the key reasons why partners often resist owning up to their own faults

• Describe the main methods for cultivating receptivity in your clients

•  Provide expert guidance to partners as they write letters in which they formally release their mates from the role of relationship villain

 

*This course is appropriate for beginners as well as those with more advanced knowledge of Dr. Atkinson’s work.

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Brent J. Atkinson, Ph.D., is the principal architect of Pragmatic/Experiential Therapy for Couples, and is the author of Developing Habits for Relationship Success and Emotional Intelligence in Couples Therapy: Advances from Neurobiology and the Science of Intimate Relationships.

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Dr. Atkinson’s pioneering work has been the subject of dozens of professional journal articles and has been featured in magazines and newspapers such as the Oprah Magazine, the Washington Post, and the Psychotherapy Networker, among others. A personable and engaging speaker, Dr. Atkinson is known for his ability to present complex scientific ideas in compelling and easy-to-understand ways. His seminars are packed with cutting-edge information, practical interventions, and handouts that can be given to clients.

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